Sir Duke John McClane
It’s been awhile hasn’t it guys? How are things? Are we getting laid?
I hope yes!
I decided to hook this dying old tumblr page up to the defibrillator for a dating short. Enjoy!
About a month ago I started spending more and more time with the twins and my friend Dre. We would work all week and then on the weekends party hard, smokin’, drinkin’ and talkin’ shit. I think the word
Instagram pics must have gotten out about our trio of fun, because each weekend we would accumulate more and more people who wanted to hang out.
I was being introduced to so many guys my head was spinning. OMG which penis do I choose from?! This one or THAT one?! Eeek! *head spin*
One of the guys who I met I wrote off in the beginning. His name was, well let’s just call him Sir Duke. I think I was initially turned off because of his appearance. Not that he was ugly, just the baby face made him seem young and there were enough waves in his fade you could go surfing for a week. Then about the third time we hung out I discovered he used to be a stripper, had a stutter and was dating an older white woman.
Hmmm, now I was intrigued. He was so many different types of wrong, it had to be right. We were meant to be!
I will admit I had a little crush. So you can imagine my disappointment when I invited my girl out to hang with us one night and they exchanged numbers. She even texted me the next day to find out about him before going on a date he invited her on. Bummed, I lied and told her that I’d just met him and that I didn’t really know enough about him but to ‘have fun’!
::sad face::eats ice cream pint:: slits wrists and cries::
Four days later she texted me: So I ended up going out with him. Girl he took me to church.
Sir Duke pulled up to pick my girl up still rockin’ his du rag (gotta keep the waves tight!) and blaring Usher. When I say blaring, I mean there was a full on R&B concert in his car. I didn’t get the details on which Usher album he was bumpin’, but let’s just play track number three Nice & Slow from the album My Way for visual purposes.
The speed and road rage on the way to church can best be described as a Die Hard installment car chase scene. If Bruce Willis wore du rags and listened to Usher we could just call him Sir Duke John McClane. And the reason Sir Duke was in such a hurry was because it was free chicken and avocado wrap day.
::pauses::files nails::looks out window::
When they arrived at the church he parked the car and practically ran inside leaving my girl in the lot stumbling to catch up in her high heels. He told her that the church was in Beverly Hills and business casual. Therefore, she wore a dress. The attire was come as you are, therefore, she was overdressed.
Once inside the church he didn’t pay her much attention. He seemed more into another woman at service. (Dudes be like, church is where I meet ALL
you’re wack my chicks…) After the good word, he brings my girl a bottle of water and then leaves her. He leaves her in church, standing at a table, alone. She was abandoned at the table for so long a man eventually came up to her and asked her what she was doing…
After leaving the church he invited my girl back to his place to play some xbox. *crosses eyes* She respectfully declined. Sir Duke, we are done here.
On the plus side, the word was good doe. And I clearly dodged a bullet.